Attended my first Weight Watchers meeting today. I am uncomfortable at organized betterment meetings, like church. The hypocrisy and blind enthrallment get to me. But one shoe does not fiteth all.
Anyhoo, I survived. I am realizing how judgemental I am (you likely caught on in paragraph one, but it's taken me 38 years to get this). I am so judgemental of myself that I can't look in the mirror when I am at the gym-- which is pretty tough when it's like a freakin' hall of mirrors. It sucks.
On a logical level, I know this is all wrong. If someone said they couldn't look in the mirror-- and someone actually did earlier this week-- I'd screw up my face (like I am doing right now), and be all, "Get over yourself." But until you feel it, until you get past the mechanics of it, you don't understand. It's like sex...sort of. On the one hand, you can think about doing it in the technical sense, and it seems very superficial. But when you actually do it, when you engage, and your chemicals get all messed up and your emotions take over, it's a whole other beast. That's me-- a whole other beast!
So, I am opening myself to new things. Putting judgement aside. Putting health and wellness as the top priorities vs. "getting skinny and looking hot." The latter always destroys my plans -- I end up sabotaging myself with "What does it all mean?"triple-rainbow-guy-bewilderment.
And for transperancy's sake, I have a Starbucks cake pop on my desk...stay tuned to find out what happens next...