Time for a change

Posted on November 11, 2015

I weigh almost 400 pounds. Four hundred pounds. That's like 3 entire people that I'm carrying around. 3 people I'm stuffing into my clothes.

I'm scared of who I will be if I lose weight. I've been fat forever. It's who I am. I'm that large person that jokes about being fat. I throw around words like "whale" and "dinosaur" like they don't hurt me.

Here's a secret. They do. Those words hurt a lot, even when I use them. I am ashamed of who I am. I'm embrassed how I look. I hate the tummy flab that hangs halfway to my knees. I despise that my waist measurement is greater then my height.

I'm angry and I'm bitter and I'm hiding behind my excess poundage. My weight is the wall I hide behind. My fat is my protection against a world that's only ever hurt me.

But you know what? It's time to stop hiding. It's time to figure out who I am, and decide who I can be. Losing weight is a big step, a huge change, and a hell of a lot of hard work.

I'm afraid to fail. But I'm even more scared of staying the same person that I am now.

Comment Now!

Melanno

11/12/2015 6:21PM

U state that u are afraid to fail. You have guts - you took this first step and its a big one. Stick with it -u can do this!

ashley g. and Chioma A. like this comment.

Nic

11/12/2015 3:22PM

Thank you for sharing this. There's a lot in there that I can relate too. I like what Travis said "little by little one walks far". I have to keep reminding myself that this journey is a marathon, not a sprint. Good luck with your journey - you are worth it!

chandra p.

11/12/2015 11:46AM

Good luck on your journey. By signing up and making a first blog...even if its mainly to yourself ( which is what mine have been, a personal accountability) you are taking that first leap. Some days may be easier than others and sometimes you may slip but keep at it.

Travis

11/12/2015 11:13AM

You are amazing. FYI I have at one point in my life tipped the scale north of that mark too, the one thing I always focus on is the old Peruvian proverb: little by little one walks far. Words, titles, self sabotage, all things I have wrote about in my blog here as well, and I totally empathize with you.Ashley, remember you are precious and we are all cheering you on!

Yamashitacho

11/11/2015 3:32PM

You go girl! You can do it!

Debbie

11/11/2015 2:37PM

Hi Ashley, You are in the right place :0) For additional inspiration check out Leanne's blog: https://www.dietbet.com/community/posts/general/12798-why-a-diet-bet She started at a similar place and has made amazing progress in just 1 year. You CAN do this and there are lots of people here that will cheer you on.

ashley g. likes this comment.