I decided to start this blog for several reasons but the biggest one is to help myself understand how I got here.
I used to be skinny, athletic and motivated. There was no way that I thought I would be here right now, trying to lose weight. The last time I wasn't over weight was in 2005, before I had my first son. I was around 130 lbs. which at that time I felt like I was pushing it. He was born premature and was in the hospital for almost 6 months. In 2006, I weighted in between 145-160. Still manageable so I didn't see it as a problem. In fact, I didn't realize that I was having a weight issue at the time.
Then came baby boy number 2. With that pregnancy I really packed on the pounds. At the end of the pregnancy, I was 210 but soon after, I was back down but at 180. I knew that I needed to lose more weight but then I started a stressful job that I didn't like. I was miserable for most of the time I was there but I made the best of it. Once I was laid off 4 years later in 2013, I was 230. I thought while I was unemployed I would get myself together and while I have went back to school to find a job that I would enjoy, I have changed nothing about my health.
Right now, I'm 241. It's no longer a "little" weight gain. It has gotten out of control. I'm well over 100 pounds overweight. I can't fit half of my clothing. I'm never satisfied with the image in the mirror when I get ready for work or to go out. I get tired easily. I can't play with my kids like I would want to and thinking about it makes me exhausted. I hate stairs. My knees hurt when I'm too active. I can't stand to take pictures. I've went swimming once in 8 years and I love getting in the water. I'm over feeling this way. If I can start writing this blog and see where I started, I'm hoping that I will never end up here again. I hope that I can motivate myself to see myself for where I am right now and if I ever fall off, I can look at this as a reminder.
So here I am, exposed. Future Me, when you read this I hope you truly understand why you got here. While it’s understandable, there is no excuse. Stop allowing stress, anxiety, hurt feelings and depression in to punish yourself. You have to take better care of yourself. You have to be around. You can’t be embarrassed of yourself no more. Your kids love you, your husband loves you. You have a loving family and friends. There are no more excuses. You are worth it. WAKE UP! You can do this. You can keep doing this. Prove it. Show them that you can. You got this.