here I am once again.  I tried this in the past, lost some weight, but have since gained it back for numerous reasons, the main one being, I have been the master in finding an excuse why I don't have to try or workout or eat right.  I am feeling wretched. I hate my reflection, I hate the feeling of my body, I want to be positive again but currently I am just feeling terribly unmotivated.  

I need to feel like I once did.  I feel weak and sloppy.  I used to feel strong and confident, powering through workouts.  feeling accomplished afterward. I sit here typing this and know that I should be working out, but I won't. I'll finish this and go to bed, just to start and end another day the exact same way.  how do I change this?? why have I reverted??? 

what i do know, is that I want to be under 300 by my 38th birthday in January.  it's doable if I try and I want to try, I need to try, no I need to DO.....I NEED TO DO!!!! I NEED TO DO....I NEED TO DO....I NEED TO DO....I NEED TO DO...I NEED TO DO!!!! I WILL, I WILL, I WILL, I WILL!!! 

299 by 1/14/17.....here we go.