Yesterday was day two of my epic foray into running every day. EPIC!
I again went through the cemetery. I made it all the way through, and even the three blocks between there to home.
Sometimes when I'm trying to dig deep and keep going it feels inauthentic. Dig deep. As if there's something there that will keep me going. Who am I to have anything there to dig up?
Sometimes too, unbidden, my mind brings up Danelle. We played softball together from 10-year-olds in summer rec through high school. She was a good heckler - she made me want to be better at the game. She was outstanding. I was out...standing. :-) I made one memorable play my entire high school career while she made about one a game. And her laugh. It was big, smile wide, belly fully engaged. She expected me to give my all and inspired me to at least try my hardest.
After high school we wrote letters from our respective college campuses and kept that up...oh, maybe 6 months. I'd guess we were busy figuring things out, and in my case I was terrified of pretty much everything. One of my classes had more people in it than my entire high school. Yikes. She and I were never best friends, but we did a few things together in high school - I don't think I saw her again after we started college.
In November of 1997 Danelle decided to end her life. Those who knew her have speculated why - and I'll just say that no one should have to make that decision based on that particular why. I felt sad, and maybe more...I felt guilt. I'd been a bad friend. I'd let what little friendship we had slip away eight years before.
So last night about halfway up a hill, unbidden, comes Danelle's smile and some snarky hilarious sarcastic comment about being a wimp. Guess who made it up that hill? Small victory, but I'll take it. Apparently last night's #outrunning was for Dano. Cheers to you, girl.
Do your thing. Whatever your thing is...do it. Do it now. Do it in your best way and be happy with yourself.