So last week I finished my 8th successful Dietbet and in the aftermath of this wholehearted pursuit, I found myself in a place of reflection. I looked back at the weight lost and strides taken since my first Dietbet in April and it was all beginning to feel a little surreal. It felt almost like someone had taken over my body because i was always the one who had such a hard time losing, keeping motivation, etc. etc. and yet, with the Dietbet universe, I'm lighter than I've been in years and years and getting close to my goal weight. I wondered who this new person was and what happened to the other me. While I realized that I needed to embrace the changes and growth as the real me I felt old walls emerging.
They aren't the walls that you can see but can be as strong and high as my fears, doubt and disbelief allow. The vigilance ebbs, the focus wanes and the movement stops or starts rolling in the wrong direction. . . . The compounding conspiracy of distractions trickle in, like the comments about how much weight I've lost and the s word - skinny - being thrown around, like the pound of Cadbury fruit and nut chocolate (a favorite) that arrived this week from one of my best friends as a well intended souvenir from her trip to London, like the out of town guests, group gatherings and the meals out, like the missed workouts and tiredness from not enough sleep and the barometric heaviness of the season's first Nor'easter.
That's where I am today, less than 2 weeks until my next bet ends and the scale continues to move in the wrong direction and I am beginning to wonder if I can pull it together in time - if I jinxed myself - if I can get out of my own way.
Of course the journey isn't the length of a Dietbet - it is a lifetime's effort - but I want to keep the flow going!
I am still determined and I know that i can do this - I've proven that to myself 8 times over- so now I just need to keep climbing, moving, focusing on the possiblities of this moment and to let them build the stairway over the top.