I got on the scale this week and looked down at the number. Of course I lost weight this week that's because I gained two pounds last week. Losing weight after 40 has to be the most frustrating endeavor on the face of the earth. Yes, I know, this totally fits in the "First World Problems" category but it is how I feel at the moment.
My wife and I were talking about our weight and how we have grown to perceive it through the years. My dad was a bean pole most of his life and never had any issues until later in life, like post 50. But my mom struggled with her weight her whole life. I remember looking at pictures of her and seeing a smiley chubby girl who wasn't particularly athletic. Come to think of it, I am not sure what hobbies she enjoyed as a young girl, but growing up in the 50s-60s, in rural Central California, athletics wasn't really an option. I know she loved her Beach Boys and Beatles but as for what she did for fun and physical activity, I'm not sure.
As a teeenager, I remember my mom not wanting to wear shorts or a bathing suit, and regularly balking at getting her picture taken. My older brother was very rude when it came to comments to my mom about her weight, to the point to where his girlfriend and her mom would feel it was okay to sarcastically call her "slim." I wasn't nearly as bad about it, but when she ventured out in shorts that I thought were too short, inside I cringed. I'm ashamed to say that I was ashamed of my mom's weight. I didn't have the same struggles as my mom because I was athletic. I raced BMX in my junior high school years, and played basketball all throughout my life, right through college. I was athletic enough that I could also try my hand at other sports like volleyball and softball while attending community college. Granted, the teams were pretty awful, but I tried out, made it and actually contributed a little bit to the teams. When my playing days were over, I rode mountain bikes recreationally, hiked, and played volleyball and softball on coed teams. I never really worried about my weight because I was active enough.
Things began to change when I thought I would recapture the "glory days" and attend a WNBA Fantasy Camp back in 99. I had a great weekend getting schooled by the pros and learning that I was, indeed, a pretty good player as far as washed up college athletes are concerned, but the pros were most definitely not part of my plan. I came away with a few souvenirs from that weekend, a great t-shirt, and torn meniscus in both knees. Knee surgery followed that winter and I began to scale back on the intensity of my exercise. That, I think, was the beginning of my weight gain. My physical activity dropped off and the busier I got with coaching, the less active I was for my own health.
Fast forward 15 years and I realize, that I have basically become my mom. Now I am the one who hates having her picture taken, worried about wearing a bathing suit in public, and ashamed of the way her body looks. I look at pictures of myself and I look just like my mom did when she was my age. I loved my mom, I still do. I miss her every day. But I think what I am realizing is that all the shame I felt toward her growing up, I now feel about myself. I think the only thing that saved me from being an overweight kid was the fact that I was athletic. My profession feeds into my shame as well, because I am a physical educator and train undergraduates to be PE teachers. Now that I don't have all the sports to fall back on, it is a real struggle to find the exercises that work for my body and don't cause my arthritic knees to revolt.
I am trying to maintain a positive attitude through this diet bet. I thought it would be a stretch to lose 2.7 lbs per week. I don't think I've done since I did slimgenics four years ago. Last week I was up 2 lbs from my initial and this week, I am down 1.6 from my initial. Yes, that is like 3+ lbs but this is what my body does. Up 2, down 3, up 3 down 1, and so on. I am not ready to give up on this month long endeavor. We'll see how it ends up, but to all of you who are going to make your goal this month, Congratulations and you're welcome for my $30 contribution to your wallet.