Shopping for a New Me, But found the Old Me

Posted on March 31, 2015

Went shopping last night at Kohls for a few size 8 & 10 pants! (Yeah!!!) A year ago I was wearing a tight 20 - so this it a little dance in the pants moment!

Anyways, as I was searching like a mad woman for the one particular style of cargo pants that they of course discontinued (and my personal fav - I have had them in size 18,16,14,12...and now 10s and a sprinkle of 8s) – an employee the size of my former self, asked if I was finding everything okay...apparently I was oozing out stress of needing help (lol) since I was looking frantic.

I told her what I was looking for and the size. Her comment back was, "You should be able to find your size over here on the clearance rack, let me help you (as she started to walk away). There's always tons of the skinny people sizes there for lucky ladies like you."

It took me a minute to let what she said sink in...I think she thought she did something wrong, because I didn't move to follow her - but instead just stood there looking at her...and before I could say anything - since I was still processing..she thought I was SKINNY. She turned back to me and apologized if I was insulted and explained how she's been big the past 15 years and she's stuck and doesn't know how to turn herself around...but she just got girl scout cookies and ate the whole box in one sitting yesterday.....

Finally, I had to interrupt this woman!!! I quietly told her to stop, I went on to explain that I was once 259 pounds, two years ago. She looked at me and said wow. I never would have guessed you were once a big woman like myself. I continued on to say - like everything - we have choices, some tough - some easy, to make in our lives. And no one can make them for us. We need to decide, when the time comes. And you will know when it's time. For me it was over 2 years ago; and reaching just shy of 260 pounds, losing a child, not being able to play with my son, being constantly out of breath, the start of a host of other problems...and no it wasn't my husband calling me names (which was almost everyday), him telling me I'm fat, telling my friends and mother, and anyone else who would listen to him that I was fat, nor my mother suggesting diets, etc...it was me...I buried myself in all the hurt, insults and pain...until I WAS FINALLY READY TO DO IT FOR ME!

This poor woman started crying, I think what I said really hit home with her - maybe it was because someone took the time to listen, maybe it was someone who was once like her, I don't know...maybe it something more. She asked what plan I used. I told her I have used several - but thru it all I've used My Fitness Pal to track all my food (which has really opened my eyes to what I was eating) – and Diet Bet to give me the push I need to get it done! I went on to tell her - there is no one diet plan...right now I use beachbody, 21 day fix...but I have used others - weight watchers, isagenix, nutrisystem, etc. The important thing is to keep going, until you find what works - FOR YOU. I personally have decided on 21 Day Fix/Beachbody programs, because it not only let's me eat real food, I have learned portion control, and finally it incorporates exercise! And not some long drawn out exercise routine...a quick in & out 30 min. program that I can do at home. BUT what works for me - might not work for you. It's about finding yourself first. Take time to do that. Take time to set some goals. Take time to relieve yourself of the stress that's holding you back.

We talked for nearly 30 minutes about her, her health and she told me she was seeing a nutritionist this week. I told her that's a start in the right direction. I wished her luck, and told her remember - you are doing everything for you - and you only --- okay maybe your kids too, but you're the most important thing to do it for! She gave me a hug in all her tears (yeah I was tearing too!). Geeze time really flew...I needed to get running... I checked out and headed home...only to realize I NEVER LOOKED FOR MY PANTS!!! Ugh...so I head back to Kohls tonight...damn it!!!

Comment Now!

Marcie

10/31/2015 5:53PM

This is a very moving story Nicole! Congratulations on your determination and amazing weight loss.

Nicole L.

Thank you, Marcie! Somedays are more challenging than other, but thankfully DB helps to keep me focused. I haven't seen that wonderful woman since, I hope she's found her groove and is on her way to well-being. Congrats on your journey too - hope the knee is better and watch that wing of yours :)

lisalou75

06/01/2015 5:31PM

You should be so proud of yourself! Great job!Congratulations!!!

Nicole L. likes this comment.

Nicole L.

Thank you Lisa - I am proud and of you too - fantastic job achieving your goal too :)

Nicole L.

04/01/2015 8:44AM

Thanks @TTMom - how are you doing on your path to fab? We had such a blast last year!

UltraMom

04/01/2015 7:14AM

Thank you for sharing Nicole! GREAT STORY! Size 8 dang girl! Congrats!!

Nicole L. likes this comment.

Nella Wafer

03/31/2015 1:27PM

I've come back to re-read this post twice now. It's such a great story. I hope your husband is nicer to you these days...you deserve kindness at any size!

Nicole L. likes this comment.

Nicole L.

Thank you, he has his days, as I do...we're more like roommates right now...damage is there and he's not putting in any effort to fix it...and I hate to say it, I'm not sure where we go from here...but for now I work on me...letting go of pain, stress and pounds. But balancing a child in is what makes choices harder.

Nella Wafer

I'm so sorry. Just keep taking care of yourself and with time, you will know what's right for you.

Melanie

03/31/2015 9:40AM

How amazing that you could be there in that moment when she needed someone to not only hear her, but understand where she is coming from. How lucky she was to have come across someone as understanding as you are instead of someone who would have mocked her or said mean disheartening things like "If you just don't eat so much..."..... I keep going back to read this, and I tear up every time. I really hope that if I am ever in that position where I come across someone in their moment of need like this, that I will be able to channel the grace and kindness and wisdom that you have. You are truly an exceptional person.

Nicole L. likes this comment.

Nicole L.

Thank you Melanie - your kind words have me welling up all over again. I hope many of us when presented with a choice to extend ourselves, simply say yes this is my time to reach out and help someone. I am confident you are one of those people too!

Skin n Bones

03/31/2015 8:37AM

I wore my baggy size 56/58 pants with the stretchy sides and 3x/4x shirts for the longest time anticipating, expecting, fearing the weight would return. After 18 months I went out and got my size 48's. Wasn't for over 2 years until I was 38/40 that I could shop at a "regular store." I said goodbye to my friends and staff at the "Big & Tall" and haven't been back since. Although I do smile as I drive by.

Nicole L. likes this comment.

Nicole L.

That's awesome. Congrats on your weightloss - sometimes life is bitter sweet. Keep smiling!

03/31/2015 5:47AM

This is awesome. You potentially just changed a person's life and started them on a path to health - that is powerful! Go back to Kohl's and get yourself something awesome as well as pants, you deserve it!

Nicole L. likes this comment.

Nicole L.

omg...aghhh...I am tearing up again...(tissue please) I didn't even think of it that way...I just saw an old me wanting to change, but loss her compass. I hope she finds her way too. They better have those pants!! :)