When you lose weight, you get attention, both positive and negative. Sometimes others' compliments, and the fact that they NOTICE, feels good...but you also get your fair share of "back-handed-compliments" (compliments that are really insults), weird comments, leering creepers, and generally unpleasant reactions. And your emotions are like a raw nerve, closer to the surface, the insulating layer of fat and invisibility now removed...
Almost 10 years ago (holy %$#, I am getting old!), I lost about 65 pounds in less than a year, and I kept it off for a couple years after that. I had no magic secret: I was keeping a food journal and couting cals, but the real key was that I was a very active member of a 12 Step group fellowship for people with food addictions. So in the time that I was losing this weight, I was also peeling back layers of resentment, fear, and other emotional issues that were related to my overeating.
My highest weight ever was 225 pounds. My lowest weight ever was 155, which was the goal weight I hit during this period in my early 20's. I always assume that 155 must not "sound" very low to some people (there are people whose HIGH weight is lower than my goal weight...I choose to believe that all those people are 5' tall or less), but the thing is, I am almost 5'10.
I mean, to put it in perspective, the last time I had been 155 was when I was 10 years old.
I reached a weight (as an adult) that I had not seen since 10 YEARS OLD.
My weight was not too low; I looked great, my energy soared, and I was perfectly within all suggested medical ranges. Combining my weight loss with the breast reduction I got when I reached goal (best decision I EVER made), I really looked like a different person.
Some of the ENJOYABLE reactions I received:
The ex-boyfriend who, upon passing me on campus, DID NOT RECOGNIZE me! When I waved and he looked puzzled, I had to point at myself and say, "I'm Adrienne". His jaw dropped. He asked if he could get my number again. I DID not give him the number. Hee-hee-hee...jerk ;)
The woman drawing my blood at a blood drive who looked concerned, and asked my weight, just to make sure I weighed ENOUGH to donate. NEVER happened before!
Some of the NOT enjoyable reactions:
Any comment along the lines of "where's the rest of you?" and "you're MELTING" (ewww...) or "you're disappearing" (umm, thanks?)....why can't people just say "You look GREAT"
Creepy men (not trying to be sexist here) checking me out, trying to stare into my face, and generally just making me feel threatened and naked. :( I know we have all felt this one...
People not *believing* that I was ever fat, people treating me differently, and all those other reminders of how much is based on our APPEARANCE in this world...
I could go on and on, but realy I am just ranting here. I think the main points I am trying to share are:
I am excited and happy to be losing again, but also scared.
I wish I could always have that perfect balance between people NOTICING, and people NOT saying or hurtful things.
I am an adult now, and while I can't control others, I CAN control my reaction to them: I can be firm, kind, clear, speak up if I am uncomfortable, let go of past hurts, and generally just know sometimes people say and do annoying things
As much as I know losing weight means being "exposed" in a new way, it is still a GREAT GOAL, and something I am doing for my health.
I am the architect of my experience. My body, my emotions, my boundaries. Don't let fear of attention hold me back. Go for the GOAL!