So at the age of 25 and repeatedly losing 30 and gaining 50 my whole life I find myself at nearly 300 pounds.  My feet hurt every day to the point where I need to hold on to my living room table to help myself out of the couch sometimes.  It's hard to breathe when I go up steps or even more embarressing when I walk with a group of friends and they walk faster than I'm used to.  I have trouble getting in and out of my two door with out grabbing my leg with my hand and physically pulling it out.  Or honking my horn by accident while I get in.  I even get sweaty while I go bowling.  BOWLING.  The activity that demands walking and rolling a ball on the ground.  The most private problem I have is not sex life with my boyfriend.  We both have found ourselves in an unhealthy state but for me I feel so unattractive naked that I don't even initiate or attempt sex anymore.  I'd say thats a pretty big problem. 

I don't say all these things to get down on myself.  But to read again in 6 months to see how far I've come.  I wan't to read these things and re-read them again to be proud of where I will be in July.  To also celebrate non-scale victories.  I wan't to lose weight and keep losing weight.  To make healthier choices and live a life that I'm not ashamed of.  No more secretly eating that burger of fry in my car.  No more hiding how much physical pain I'm in from doing simple things in life.  I'm ready to start living the life that I want and deserve to live.  I was raised active in sports and miss that so much.  I want to go kayaking without worrying that I'm above the weight limit for the kayak.  I want to go hiking and not be afraid that I can't make it through the whole walk because of back pain.  I want to play softball again with speed and agility (and without a designated runner).  I want to wear clothes that are amazingly cute without paying a ridiculous price for them because they are plus size. 

The thing that is different about this time I think is one thing and one thing only.  A few months ago I lost around 27ishh-28 pounds.  I fell off after three months of course as per usual and started sneaking those secret burgers or eating lunch at my lob and then picking up another fast food lunch on the way home.  It's been about a month and a half since then and when I finally had the courage to step on the scale again to my surprise its that I'd only gained back that 7 or 8 pounds and had kept the 20 off!  :)  So this time I'm not starting from scratch ... I have a 20 pound head start!  So my next goal is to hit 250 by July.  And not to get too ahead of myself but after that 50 more (to for the first time that I can remember since I was in a child) hit ONE-derland. 


This is the start.  My last blog post will be entitled the end.  Along this 6 month journey I will use these posts to be my own personal diary of the struggles and triumphs I go through.  I won't leave it private though because maybe there are people out there who are going through what I'm going through and want to read it.  To help them along or not feel so alone ... either way.  I feel ready.  I know I feel ready everytime I lose those first 30 and fall off.  But this is the start. 

The start of my journey in continuous weightloss for the first time.  So technically down 20 something ... 47 more bitches [: