Day One, panic attack overcoming me, today is the day I go to the gym. I want to be healthy and happy; since I have been abusing my body with food in addition to the lack of excercise which created the result of a unhappy, unhealthy, depressed, and anxious young adult who is facing their insercurities of being an obese third in university. Fear of individuals judging me as the fat girl as I ran the treadmill or that I wouldn't be able to do the excercise correctly caused me to nervous especially since I was going to be excercising at the university's recreation/training room. I think to myself, "How did I get myself here", which honestly is a different story for a different time. However, one my friends and former housemates (who is this huge ass bodybuilder) came up to me and told me something that took all my insercurities away.
"Ellisia, I know you are afraid I can see it on your face. But, I let you know something. We judge the super muscular people who make grunting noises not the people who are trying to better themselves", he told me.
This gave me a sense of relief. That I can do it and I shouldn't be judged for attempting to better myself as individual. I entered that gym with my spanking brand new torrid workout leggings, purple running shoes, Grateful dead tee, and white headphones on a mission to prove every bully or hater wrong. Even though I could only run one mile without completely dying, I felt proud. I did it. I took my 310 pound butt to the gym and excersied despite the looks. However, I think people were looking at me out of concern since I sound like a dying animal as I pushed myself to finish that mile.
The gym may be my nightmare, but as humans aren't we supposed to conquer our fears?