I may do something radical. What might that be? I might allow the other players in the group to see my actual weight. Is it something I should be ashamed of? Not really. I mean, I don't EVER want to be this heavy again. My goal is 175. I know that is definitely more than any Weight Watchers leader would say is Ok for me, but - I know, at that weight, I am so much healthier and it is very, very doable.
My highest weight ever (that I know of) was 335 pounds. I was offered weight loss drugs and gastric bypass. I tried the drugs - never again. I am 5'1" tall. I was this weight when I got married and was worried that my wedding dress would not fit. It did and still had room. I wore a size 28/30 and occasionally, that was a little snug. Do you know how hard it is to find SHORT pants that are that size? Nearly impossible and forget about cute clothes.
Then, I discovered Torrid. They have the perfect jeans for me. Perfect fit in all areas. I live in these jeans. I only discovered Torried in the last year and a half. So sad it took me so long. They have some cute things, stylish things - even though they are not all my style, they are, at least, not dumpy and frumpy.
Currently, I am in a size 14 jeans - 16 if they are not from Torrid or Old Navy. Isn't it irritating that the same size can fit so differently from different manufacturers? I just know that size 18 is way too big from all the manufacturers.
I went through my closet recently and tried EVERYTHING on.. Everything. If it made me feel frumpy, I got rid of it. If it was a tad baggy, I got rid of it. I don't want that comfort zone where I can quietly slip back up into bigger clothes. I have some cute things in size 14 that I need to work to get into - I'd say after my 4% here, I will fit into some of them. Then, maybe I'll do this again and make it a round two - depending on how it goes.
My 4% is 9. something pounds. My initial weigh-in weight is 235 - even though it was 233 pounds the minute I stepped on the scale before trying to get the photo. I feel so close to getting under 200... compared to where I once was, I mean.
So there. My weight is out there in the open. :) I am not ashamed. It's who I am right now... part of who I am. My husband weighs more than me, for once - he is on diabetic meds that are causing weight gain. He's not happy, but not ready to do anything about it yet.
My son's birthday is on the 6th. I am ordering a cake that I don't love. I want him to have his birthday cake. But I don't want to feel like I need to be obsessed with eating it. This is the first year I am doing that.
I want to try running. I found some safe areas for me to try without feeling like I am out there for the public to tease or ridicule. It's happened at my heavier weights. So I might try that. I am walking more though - taking my son to his new school. Parking a few blocks away and walking. It's good for us both.
Ok, I've said enough. Maybe too much. I don't know.