I've come to realize that where I truly struggle is with my commitment to the plan. Day one is always easy...saying no to this and avoiding that. No little treats. It was my 2nd day of not smoking yesterday, and the first day of the rest of my life. They will get harder though...they always do!
One of the amazing things about my journey now to lose the exccess weight and regain my healthy lifestyle is the amount of accountability I have. I've promised my mother and nana I will stop smoking. I've promised every single person on this website that they will see a difference when I post my Then & Now photos in a few weeks. This promises make me feel like I have something to work for.
My boyfriend says I'm beautiful no matter what, and I know that is what he truly sees and believes, but it's my own self confidence and image that are suffering. I want to believe those things too, and it's hard when you don't like what stares back at you from the bathroom mirror. Still, he says it, and you relax... at least a bit.
Of course, we can blame society, which makes shaming in various ways a new trend on the daily. I don't deny that part of my motivation is to 'look the way I'm supposed to look'...that's the vain side of me, I know. But there is also the rational side that knows how much better my lung capacity will be after not smoking for 6 months, and how I'll be less sore and more flexible once I get my yoga on. Not to mention how proud I'll be of my ability to run a half marathon again! Maybe even work towards a full?? (No commitment there! Haha.)
Sometimes, I see people walking around eating what they want and talking, laughing, having a good time...and all I can think about is how many calories their ice cream is, or why do they get to look so good when they have a treat, or how I wish I could be as carefree as they are, and not obsess about my physical composition.
Don't get me wrong, I can still run! I like to test myself. I actually think it may have helped set me back a bit, though, believing if I could still do it I was still in pretty good shape. I'm tired of being in good shape. I'm going to be in AWESOME shape! I'm going to believe I am beautiful, and not because I've lost weight, but because I AM.