My name is Rose....I am so disappointed in myself that I am in the situation that I am in.  I was fit for such a big part of my life.  Not just fit, but actually built very good and athletic.  I don't even know when I lost control, but I certainly did.  I feel like I could afford to lose about 40-50 pounds.  My husband thinks I only NEED to lose about 20 pounds(so kind).  I do think that i "pull-off" my weight pretty good.  People who I have know for the last 10 years think this is "how" I look.  The people who knew me before that I am sure wonder what happened to me that I let myself go the way I did.  I wonder that myself. I try avoiding people from my past rather than embrace them.

I have noticed that I am rubbing off on my one daughter who is suffering from lack of self esteem as well.  I feel like maybe I contribute to her feeling lousy about herself since I am not happy with myself.  I am and always have been someone who takes care of everyone but myself.  I let my needs go and am sure to make sure everyone else is OK first.  I need to lose that feeling and outlook....NOW.  

My mom, who I adored, died about 15 years ago.  I stayed in control since I had my dad to take care of since he was sickly.  Well, he died in January and all hell broke loose!  To make things worse, my brother got sepsis and was on life support for 2 months....the good news is, he has miraculously recovered!  My mind of almost losing him also never recovered yet.  

So that is my story.  I do not know how blogs works as I NEVER wrote one before, but thought I would just write how i feel and see how it goes.