I had a rythem of eating and exersies that worked for me. Some years better than others but I always stayed between 130-150. It's my range. And I've been in that range from 14-31. Then in 31 things changed. We added 3 foster kiddos to our lives, plus our one bio kid. I quite my job. We bought a van. And it's stressful. Some days I feel like I'm running on cortisal.

They've been with us 7 months now, and I need to find a little space for "me" again. You know, to shower, or eat real food, or move (holding toddlers doesn't count). I'm not in my range. But worst than that, I don't feed myself, or care for myself. And it makes me tired. So I'm reclaiming small spaces, like being able to pee all by myself, with out all four kids wanting me to resolve disputes, or fix thier hair while I sit there.

It won't be big or impressive to others. I won't be training for a marathon. But maybe I can do jumping jacks for 60 sec. Or 10 sqauts while I wait for water to boil for pasta. I know the kids will be a bit put out, because jumping jacks look like fun, so I there for should pick them up. But it's 60 sec. You small people can live for 60 sec without me holding you.

And maybe by the end of 6 months they will be more secure and confidant. Like if I eat an apple they won't panic that there will be less apples for them. See that 10lb bag of apples? There is enough for everyone. So stop stealing my snack. And I will be able to feed myself again. Because hiding behind to cabnet doors to sneak crackers is getting old.