On my way to a Nightmare On Elmstreet musical set to Backstreet Boys songs, I decided to surprise my friend by sneaking a bottle of pinot grigio into the theater using a Gatorade container. Because she is also a hot mess, she texted to let me know she has just bought us 3 glasses of wine each. 

I woke up the next morning and groaned praises because my hangover was manageable. I got dried out with the help of a brisk 3 mile walk and a ton of black coffee (and water; hydrate my children) before joining my friend to practice pull-ups at the gym.

Now, we cannot do a pull-up. But we can hang onto the bar until our hands callous over and we can use the assist machine. When we lift, we encourage each other to get to the point of exertion where you just might crap your pants, then the other steps in. After 45 minutes of this and other arm-killing exercises we pushed mango sorbet pops into our mouths and blew all my cash on shwarma &  falafel. We also walked another 2 miles. 

Today I was a Very Good (and sober) girl and when faced with a surprise visit to an ice cream shoppe I ordered a simple root beer float but at the last minute caved and said Yes to the whipped cream. "Oh my God,  guys," I said when I saw it come round the corner,  "do not look the root beer float in the eyes. It is asserting its dominance." In that moment I saw my own death, and it was sticky, bubbling, and had a cookie in it. It must have been a half liter of pop with a pint of ice cream. I ate all of it. I was the only one at the table whose dessert did not come with a gravy boat of caramel or fudge so I felt relatively absteemious. 

Then I rolled around in my bed until most of the sugar and milk had digested and got myself to the gym. My gym buddy was late so I did C25K intervals on the treadmill wearing a sweatshirt and shorts that barely covered my now quite swollen bum. Then we did a HIIT bicycle workout that reminded me that I may be fat but I am crazy sexy when I am glistening in sweat. 

After a dinner of 4 cups of kale, a sweet potato and assorted veg, I only crammed half of that brick of neopolitan fudge in my face. 

Mischief managed.