*Disclaimer, this blog turned out to be much longer than expected, but I think it helped me to get everything out. I discovered a lot about myself in writing this. Most of this is a work vent and trying to figure out where to go from here....


    I've participated in DietBet games in the past and lost 25 pounds before, but gained about 10 pounds this year because of emotional eating and stress.  I started the January Transformer this year, hoping to use the DietBet game to get back into shape and lose the extra pounds I recently gained and then some. I have yet to actually get back into the full swing of things though, and it is really frustrating. My eating habits are all over the place and I am not exercising like I should be. When I have a good day I stay within my calorie range, choose healthier options, limit the sweets and choose good portion sizes. But lately I've been having more bad days than good. I am overwhelmed and stressed out all of the time.


      My boss has been in a controlling and "clean house" mood since the beginning of the year. He is a negative person and does not communicate well with his employees, resulting in escalated problems. He began making crazy new rules and he keeps taking away a majority of our "privileges." For one, we only have a 3 month window to take off for our vacations. We can only request days off and vacation time between June-August. Anything outside of those months we cannot have off for any reason. The reason he started doing all of this is to punish 2-3 employees that he has a problem with, but instead of addressing issues with them, he is punishing everyone.


       I was denied time off for the ADELE concert in November (yes I actually scored tickets!!!) of this year that I bought tickets to before he came up with these crazy new rules. His reasoning....because his new rules say so and we work for him. If we don't like the new rules, we can leave. He says his employees work for him and we have to abide by his rules. Needless to say, I plan to be out of there by then.  I am not missing a concert I purchased tickets to almost a year in advance because he is being a complete douche bag. I have never worked for someone like this before. 


       Everyone at work feels the extreme negativity in the workplace from our boss and we are all fearful of losing our jobs. I have been looking for another job for the past couple of months, so I am working on getting out of the negative environment, but in the meantime I HAVE to figure out how to deal with this.


    I have never been any good at handling stress. I use food as a coping mechanism, and that has never worked out for me. All I have to show for it is being overweight, stressed out, and exhausted all of the time. Work has been so unbearable lately that most days I have to excuse myself to the bathroom so that I can just cry... I know I need to get out. I compose myself and continue at work, just trying to make it through the day.


       I think I should see a therapist about this, because at this point I think this job will kill me if I do not find some way to get out or cope. But, the reality is that I cannot leave work. My boss has made that very clear. I have been having dental problems all this month and I have brought work excuses from the dentist for my several appointments, but my boss has fussed at me each time I have to go to the dentist. He has also threatened all of our jobs a couple times with replacing all of us. We are a small business, and he has made it clear that he wants to start replacing people. 

     Anyway, I am sorry this blog went all over the place, but I am at the point in my life where I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't see a therapist, so I thought of maybe joining a Yoga class on Saturdays, when I am off. I know Yoga is supposed to help with stress. I know that exercising will also help me loads with dealing with this stress, but I keep making excuses. Today I am going for a 15 minute walk and tomorrow I will start doing the DailyBurn workouts again. I have to work on ways to deal with the stress instead of eating. Eating does not solve the problem, it just makes everything worse.