I have noticed a pattern of self-sabotage when I do well. When I first joined DietBet in October, I won Round 1, losing the most weight I have ever lost in a short period of time. After I won, I celebrated with a cheat weekend and that cheat weekend turned into a cheat month. It took me months to get back on track. It took me until Round 5 to get back on track and try to finish what I started. I managed to qualify for Round 6 and I was hopeful that I would reach my 10% goal by April 18th.


   I started a second DietBet Transformer in February, to help me push through Round 5 and eventually Round 6. I needed the extra push, because I just could not find any motivation to exercise. The new Transformer gave me that push I needed and I won Round 1. Now, I find that I am losing motivation. I started Jillian Michael's Body Revolution 4 weeks ago and suddenly I find that I have gained 2 pounds, despite staying within my calorie range and doing all of my workouts. 



  I know that it is likely that I am gaining muscle or possibly retaining water weight, but it is still discouraging. I wanted to hit my 10% mark for my first game that ends in 2 weeks. At this point it does not seem likely, so that is also disappointing to me. I have noticed that after a month or so of tracking my calories and consistentlly exercising I tend to just give up, despite my progress. I have made a lot of progress in just one month of eating right and exercising again. Over the course of 2 years I have lost over 20 pounds, and almost half of that I lost during the Transformer. 



   I should be pushing forward now more than ever, but for some reason my mind has hit a brick wall. It says, " I don't want to do this." " I don't want to exercise." " I don't want to watch what I eat." " I am hungry ALL of the time." How do I silence these voices? I have always struggled with staying consistent, but I can't seem to find the discipline to get me through the tough days when motivation just isn't enough. 


 I skipped my workout this morning and I have just been questioning everything. Is this worth it? Why not just take a break from it all? Would it really make me happier? I know that quitting is not the answer, but I do know that I need to figure this out. Losing weight is hard. It's definitely a mental game and I hope to find the answer to these questions soon. I will find my way and figure out what is holding me back. In the meantime, I hope I can find the mental strength to keep pushing through.