Here is something that feels familair to everyone involved in these Dietbet games. Please, look at the picture. Don't be offended with the international sign of displeasure, it isn't meant for anyone who might read this, it is just the way I feel. I am a mess. At a time when life should be really good it is anything but. Retired, working part time at something I enjoy, and a healthy family should add up to...well, more than this.

The latest thing is a diagnosis of sleep apnea. It couldn't be a simple case of obstructive apnea, nooooo, it has to be one of these things that involves my brain forgetting to breathe on it own whilst I sleep. Is it curable? Of course it is. Here is this little machine which will set somebody back 5K. Five Thousand freakin dollars for a device that, when it detects hesitation, pops a little extra air into my nose to kick start me. It turns out a I am also a Polyp hyper producer which gets me even more frequent colonoscopies. Apparently, like any old machine, my body is showing its age and things are breaking down.

Then there is the question of weight. I feel like I look like the creature in the picture as well. I don't know if I have ever been more uncomfortable in my body than I am right now. So I feel like a grumpy old fat gorilla. After so many years I should have gotten it right. I won't ever be sleek, but I should look like this guy either. I've tried a lot of stuff and here I am, back to square one.

So I will strap it on once again. That's a good descriptor, don't you think? I will strap on the body armor and give it another shot. I'm not going to promise myself the world. I am here in the Dietbet Matrix because it has worked for me in the past. I am going to read the thoughts of others, I am going to be more active, and I am going to be honest with myself and the community. There may not be many, if any opportunities to get back to feeling normal. It is time to shun the destructive behavior. It is time to immerse myself in the cure.