Being a lifelong big guy I am used to sly comments, jovial statements, and strange nicknames that in one way or another are basically calling me fat. While at times I have been extremely fit and strong the majority of my 38 years I have been one with a gut. Most common of all the titles or pet names is Big T. this one is very hard to avoid and as such I embraced it and even use it now and then. However, internally to me these titles have always been derogatory and made me wish that I could be one that did not need stupid titles or pet names.

As such dieting and exercise waves typically began in my life when a comment pissed me off and I told myself enough, no more. Funny thing is these waves of yoyo diets never stuck, never internalized and always eventually failed. Success did not come until I decided that I wanted to be healthy not because of words, but because I wanted to be healthy. Success came when I made the choice to live how I always wanted to. Success came when I made a choice! A realization that I had to make choices constantly and not just once, that choices come in every waking moment and there will be consequences that I will have to address no matter what choice I make each time.

I find myself asking why are these past comments and pet names coming to my mind recently. Yesterday it came to me that different comments are being made and pet names are still there but are being stated with different emotion. I have compliments coming in now that cause me pause and at first bothered me. How can compliments bother you one might ask? The answer is while yo-yoing is something I have always done, what I haven’t done is actually shrunk. In past attempts I may have lost some weight, but never actually changed the way I looked or the size of my body, I was still a big dude. I am chuckling now as I write this because I still see a big dude staring at me in the mirror, however, there are differences in everything: my face, my neck and back, my gut, my ass and legs, in everything.

I went nuts yesterday when I decided to get a few more workout shorts to hold me over. For many years I was buying 3x and 4x shorts but have lost quite a bit of weight, so I figured maybe it is time for the 2x and no more Big&Tall. So I shop in a normal store, in a normal section then made it to the dressing room and found that it is now XL and even those are a bit loose. Is it possible that I may be getting to the point where ‘X’ is no longer used in my wardrobe vocabulary? Hell yes is the answer!

So those comments and compliments are now coming in on a daily basis and my one time contempt of hearing words has turned into a desire to hear more. The more I hear the more it motivates me to continue. The more questions the more it drives me to search for understanding of what I am actually doing to my body. I had a comment yesterday that was followed up with a simple question; what is one thing you can share that has helped you make this change? What a fantastic question. I answered him by saying I decided to make choices and own the consequences. Do I take the banana or do I eat the pastry, sleep in or go for a run, sit and watch tv or play some ball with the kids? And if my choice isn’t the best one, own the outcome and not beat myself up for it.

My name is Travis and I choose to heal myself!