I've been having a rough couple of weeks. It's really put a damper on my mood today, so I thought I'd take some of my lunch break to write about some of these feelings.

Today is the final day of my first six-month DietBet. I have lost about 15 pounds more than my goal, but I have a difficult time being happy about this because I have two more that I am involved with. One that ends in June, and another that ends in August. The first month gets harder and harder the lighter you are, and it really sucks. I still have weight to lose (about 20 pounds), so a DietBet 10 really isn't that out of reach. However, At the end of this third one, I will be in about five pounds into a normal weight range, and it's getting harder to take off big numbers. I can still take off about a pound or two a week, but this leaves me zero room for indulgences, which is why I think I'm feeling the effect on my mood. I find myself making lists of my favorite restaurants I want to go back to "some day", I look at food on Pinterest and YouTube all the time like it's food porn, and although the number is moving, I still feel unhappy. Food was a large part of my life, and it's becoming more evident to me how much I relied on food for comfort. I think it's so depressing to me because I don't know when "some day" is. I am a huge control freak (my own life) and desperately need the ability to see into the future. 

Anyway, I'm sitting here almost 50 pounds lighter than when I started losing weight in July, and keep thinking of the day I will wear my Matron of Honor dress in June, and my bikini during my Florida vacation in July. I keep seeing the image of this "future girl" and see how happy she is, but it's hard to pull out this happy girl when she's in the firey depths of food depression. 

I'm making it seem a lot more exaggerated than it really is, but typing out my feelings helps me push just a little farther.