Dietbet #2

1/26 Holy crap-a-doodle I made it! By the hair of my teeth! My goal weight on the nose. I am burnt out! Mentally. Physically I know I need to ramp it up. Mentally I can't track all the things I want to. I get depressed and self sabotage when I fail one of many goals, not even taking into consideration that I succeeded in all the rest! Why does our brain work that way? Why does my brain only acknowledge my flaws? Like it loves the pain. No, because it is looking for excuses. Loosing the weight isn't even the hard part. MAINTAINING is the hard part. Hello brain? That is 60 pounds from now!!!! First I need to get there!!! 7913 steps / 3.24 miles / 458.9 calories / 83 minutes Hitting the elliptical tonight to get the rest of my steps.

1/25 TOTAL self sabotaged last night! I was there, in clothes, and could have made weight. But no, had to eat the nacho chips. grrrr Now I am 0.8 lbs away from goal. Didn't eat dinner tonight and wore the weighted vest on my walk tonight with JD. 10391 steps / 4.26 miles / 602.6 calories / 105 minutes active. Doing better with exercise, not so well with food. Today I packed breakfast and lunch and still eat other crap. Breakfast pizza from school, MAPS testing snacks, sunflower seeds. Did drink my water challenge though.

1/24 The pedometer TOTALLY worked today, not only by counting but by MOTIVATING. When JD had to cancel today's walk, I thought no big deal, I just will skip today too. Then I took one look at my pedometer! 3 o'clock and less than 300 steps! NOPE! Took the girl outside to "blow the stink off" and I am now at 7500 steps. I even think I will follow up with some tv and elliptical time tonight to reach the 10,000 daily goal. At 5pm, 7497 steps / 3.07 miles / 435 calories / 73 minutes. "That will do pig, that will do." I am getting antsy about the weigh ins, as usual. Dietbet Kickstarter #2 ends tomorrow. I think I am right there, just worried about clothes weight. I don't want to do another Kickstarter but promised KP that I would do one with her. Then I think I really am done with those. The Transformer is going to be more my speed I think. The hubby is going to be ticked, but you know, don't tell me to get a hobby then. HA! Loosing the weight has become the new hobby.

1/20 12141 steps / 4.98 miles / 704 calories / 124 minutes. Bummed that I forgot to carry it around yesterday. Want to see how it registers on the elliptical. Got 2.2 pounds to go in 4 days!!! grrrr Please, oh please let me crack this threshold. Eating tons of veggies. Eating tons? I'm so hungry....

1/18 Today was the first day of wearing my new pedometer. 10943 steps / 4.41 miles / 612.7 calories / 112 minutes. I totally spun out this weekend with the kids and M gone. Ate carbs, carbs, carbs. But I stayed active too. Saturday I did the elliptical and walked with JD and the dog. Sunday I did an hour on the elliptical with the weighted vest, and hour on the elliptical without the vest, and walked with JD and the dog for about an hour. Today I did elliptical in the am and walked in the pm. Whew. I am pooped. Reading P's blog, looking at what she has accomplished in the last 300 days, I realized I am sleeping way better. Feeling rested upon waking, and not awaking in pain. I think I am going to skip the sleep study afterall. Yep, I am beat. I can't even remember what I was going to write about. Night y'all!

1/14 Today I started my period. I know, TMI Ada! But hear me out. The past few months, trying to lose weight on my own and with DB, I have gradually become more aware of what my body has been telling me. Today my body told me I needed chocolate and a bit more carbs than I normally allow my diabetic self to have. At first I kept mentally beating myself up for "slipping up". How could I cave like this?! I don't really "need" chocolate or the carbs! And then I started my monthly, my body leveled out after consuming the needed contraband, and now I feel like I can continue my weight loss journey. Instead of a solid week of binge eating, descending into a food frenzy and mental anguish, I have had ONE evening of treats. Thanks for coming Aunt Flo, it was nice to take you out to dinner, but tomorrow I will be happily back on my way to a smaller me! - another awesome thing to note is how much motivation I got from reading other people's posts. Thank you Dietbet folks!

1/13 So this morning I weighed in at 219.6 pounds, a pound down from yesterday. BUT my outlook in life was way different at 220 than at 219. Why? How does a single pound make that big of a difference? At 220 I was super proud of myself, way to go! and all that. At 219 I can actually see getting to 200 and beyond. At 220 I asked my husband if HE could remember how much I weighed when we got married. Riiight. lol At 219, I ran in to the bedroom where he lay and told him my # in joy and then again in complete tears. I am the fat girl. That is my identity. What am I going to do when I am not the fat girl but the big girl, or even just the girl? Thankfully that emotional train ride didn't last long as I had to get to work. What did occur to me on the ride there: what kind of rewards does 200/199 deserve. I've got $2000 starting to burn a hole in my pocket....

1/12 I am tired of being sick, thank you very much. My abs hurt and my weight is at an all time low of 220.6 but expecting to see a slight jump back up when I get back to my new "normal" (eating well and exercising). I didn't finish my lasagna last night. What???!!!! I know! felt gross in my belly. Too heavy. Too sticky in my gut. The kids wanted to know why 2 vegetables, green beans and salad. Cause we need more and not less! Cause dad won't eat green beans and he needs veggies too. Cause I want them for crying out loud! I got my new pedometer in last week and haven't had a chance to use it. Not much point when all the walking I am doing is from the couch to the bathroom to the bed and back again. Need to measure my pace first. Also got my calendar so I can sticker track things. I want to track water, carbs, and steps. But again, haven't done that since I am a complete blob of snot and mucus at the moment. I might just wait till Feb at this point (nooooooo!) but will start practicing as soon as I am back at WORK!!! blugh.

12/30/15 This is what I responded to someone else's blog. "I have never NOT known/been told I was fat. My skinny-minnie parents were parents to a solid baby girl and were horrified as to what it said about them. I was the child sent to birthday parties and told not to eat the cake and ice cream. Oh! But when I was given my meal, I was also told I couldn't leave the table until the plate was empty. It took seeing a childhood photo thru a boyfriend's eyes to see that yes, while I did weigh more than my classmates, I was also a good foot and a half taller and was actually trim for my build. My belly may have been soft but my arms and legs were very muscular. That was my first glimmer of reality. Didn't take hold at that time. I still believed my parents when they said I was going to be diabetic and HUGE just like my father's sisters. And so I became, because that is what I was destined to be, and there were no other options. My switch FINALLY flipped as a mother of 2 solid children (my son could shot put a 10 pound medicine ball across the room at 9 months!), I didn't want to pass on my insecurities, AND being an uncontrolled diabetic for the last 5 years and feeling like CRAP. Something HAD to change if I wanted to be alive and an active parent. I am 42 and I feel like I am starting a new life. By being more selfish about what I need to be healthy, I am being a better wife and mother. An extremely hard lesson to learn!" It was hard for me to put these kind of