The past few weeks have been excrutiating for me, physically and mentally. I have been barely able to get out of bed and go to work. The pain is imaginable. I'm on week 3 of physical therapy for my possibily congenital back condition. I was referred to pain management this week by my orthopedist for epidurals. This was a big blow to me. I feel I can manage the pain very well if it's just pain and not inlammation decreasing my mobility, as it has been. It is very hard for me to tell if the pain in other areas is from the fibromyalgia or psoriatic arthritis. I get to see THAT doctor on Monday. I say "the" illnesses instead of my because I don't own them....I don't want them....and they don't own me. I've been feeling so depressed and alone, barely able to do the bare minimum of anything. I feel like a failing mom, wife, employee and friend.


Even though seeing a pain management doctor is hard for me, I've decided to go for the evaluation to see what it entails. I don't have to do it. I feel like I'm giving in.


I keep telling myself that I haven't been lazy but giving my body what it needs, rest and less stress. I feel selfish. I feel like a failure. I feel like my family is not proud of me. I feel like no one wants to be around me. Starting today I'm picking up the pieces. I'm going to put more conscious effort into being positive and taking care of my family. No more coming home, taking a shower or bath and going right to bed because I'm in too much pain. I can't let the pain win.  This effort will include being more active in dietbet too. I miss this place!